#I just feel so alone at the moment.
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my mh is not good today, overall im not good mentally or physically but I will finally be able to be productive tomorrow. and just wanted to say it on here.
#I just feel so sHITE and I can’t explain why.#it’s awful.#I just feel so alone at the moment.#but if anyone would like to chat on discord … I’m around#mental health tw.
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yeah so this was insane
#i feel like too many people reduce this interaction to jason being like ‘lol same’#but idk :/#this chapter is from jason’s pov#and leading up to it he’s like ‘people keep walking on eggshells around me bc of the the michael varus stab wound’#and he hates it so when he goes on deck to help out with the storm#everyone’s like wtf except for percy#and jason states how much he appreciated percy not treating him like a sick kid#and i feel like it’s echoed in this sentiment where jason could say so many things like#‘you should never feel that way’ ‘im here if you need anything’#but he doesn’t make percy feel alone in his desire to just…. end it all#which ik for some people that doesn’t work but you’re not a character in hoo and percy is dealing with so much guilt#and he can’t tell annabeth bc she’s a main aspect of that guilt#and he doesn’t wanna guilt her more and he feels ashamed and when he describes this he feels weird for feeling it#so having jason this tough guy be like ‘yo i understand it bc i felt the same way#that’s gotta mean a lot to percy#also insane how jason who also struggles to display vulnerability#allows it in one of few times in this moment just so percy this guy he’s supposed to be jealous about#feels comforted and not alone in his guilt and shame#and also it’s just insane how jason’s wanting to kay em ess does not get talked about AT ALL#and just seeing his mom and the pressure of new rome getting to him#like this scene is insane and i’ll never shut up about it#also ignore me i’m just finishing my reread of hoo that took all summer#jason grace#percy jackson#pjo#ashla.txt
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do you think Bruce ever lies awake at night thinking about all the things he has taught his kids and how it seemed like a good idea at the time but maybe some of those habits are actually more bad than good
#Dick Grayson#Bruce Wayne#Batman#DC#how many times has alfred told bruce to step back from a case?#to sleep? to eat? to take one moment away from an obsession so it doesn't drag him fully down?#and yeah the thing dick can't leave alone here is looking out for bruce#but it's also the case. the cape. the need to Fix things#dick is all but saying 'I love you' here#but I'm sure bruce is just hearing the echoes of his own obsession in the kids he raised into vigilantism#and I bet it haunts him that he has made them even a little bit like himself#having many feelings about them......
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kiss the pain away
#vashwood#trigun#trigun stampe#vash the stampede#wolfwood#nicholas d wolfwood#ep 10 was crazy bc vashwood was literally the plot goodbye#i like how the most intimate moment between these two was in the goddamn sewers#i feel like that alone symbolizes so much in their relationship. im half joking BUT ITS JUST LIKE#the SPONTANEITY the PRIVACY they get in such an open Space while being literally chased / hunted after....#and vash is out here showing his scars.............. and ill always lose my mind that they gave this spotlight to wolfwood instead of#meryl and milly like in the previous versions. i dont know how else to read this other than that wolfwood is the romantic interest of stamp#it makes sense even aside from this scene. u know. wolfwood was technically the damsel in distress in ep 5-6 and vash saved/helped him.#and who stayed in the bedroom with vash.................#who rushed to his side when he got shot...... with that worried ass expression....#i dont have anything smart to say at all im just gushing over vashwood thru stampede bc its just so blatant. and its great that its blatant#bc it was blatant in trimax too. like so blatant. the romance was written in every chapter they showed up together#god#ive never witnessed a pairing more canon without being spoken as such its soooooo much theyre so much#ruporas art
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Sometimes I think about when Minthara first joins camp after you save her from Moonrise. She sits in her tent, alone at night, surrounded by strangers who she believes have every reason to kill her. She sits there paranoid, feeling that they will just kill her at any moment for any reason. You have earned a small sliver of her trust, but not completely. And she goes along with you and everyone because she really doesn't have much of a choice. And it's not like her fears are unfounded, some of the companions do state their reservations about her when she is first recruited (and one of the companions actually does want her dead if a certain datamine ever gets added to the game).
She only comes to completely trust you when you allow her to read your mind. But, it doesn't clear her of any paranoia with the other companions. She only trusts them because you trust them, and she trusts you.
In spite of this paranoia and fear, she is still willing to risk her life to protect them and save them from whatever trouble comes their way. Even if she won't admit it, she does care about all the companions in camp. Yes, even the wizard. But she feels that none of them will ever lift a finger for her and will let her die when she needs help the most.
One of the many reasons why Orin kidnapping her is so heartbreaking. Because ALL of the companions want to go and save her and get her back from Orin. And one of them is extremely outraged and pissed that Orin had the audacity to take her Minthara away from her. The one time the companions show unanimous love and support for Minthara, she isn't even there to hear it. If only she knew how much they wanted her back, she would probably stop being so paranoid of them.
And she attends the reunion party still thinking that nobody likes her and they all hang out without her. When in reality, they all love her. She is surrounded by people who love her, and she thinks they hate her and are still plotting to kill her. And it's all because she wasn't there to hear how much they do care about her.
#baldur's gate 3#minthara bg3#minthara#minthara baenre#if there is anybody who needs a group hug it's minthara#girl is so terrified of everyone and everything around her#afraid that she will be betrayed by them at any moment#but everyone comes to love her for who she is#and they would all do anything to help her when she needs them#also why the underdark ending as a default ending for her is so sad because she goes down there alone#feeling that she has no reason to remain on the surface and she's better off trying to conquer her house instead#fighting a fight that she already fears she will die in#and she would end up dying alone#and she has expressed on numerous occasions just how terrified she is of dying alone#i wonder if she would choose to stay on the surface if she knew how much everyone wanted her there#especially Karlach
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harrows a sped kid but gideon is a girl who should by all accounts at LEAST have a 504 plan but all adults dismiss her as merely combative and disruptive, at Best theyll throw in a "not utilizing her potential to the fullest." multiple teachers have vaguely alluded to her having ODD rather than think for a second about why she might be acting like that
#hi hello i have Thoughts#sorry this is so usamerica specific i cannot do an hour of research for every spur of the moment thought that hits me#anyway i have many ideas about how the education system would fail these two spectacularly#the ODD thing is pulled from my actual experience and also just the fact that brown kids are more likely to be labeled that#rather than adhd/autistic/ect#and its basically a death sentence on your fucking record#its not an actual judgement of it as a diagnosis just how its weaponized against struggling kids cool we all on the same page?#feel free to add on if you have your own thoughts#i just think constantly about how characters in the book disregard gideon as stupid#because she doesnt give a shit specifically about their magic version of stem#LEAVE HER ALONE I BET SHED LOVE LIT CLASS GET HER ASS ANTIGONE SHED LOVE IT
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Somethin somethin somethin, we WIN
(Nimona's out on Netflix, go give it a watch!)
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#nimona#netflix#nimona netflix#when i tell you this crew was deranged with determination-#I got to hear the directors and producers talk and those producers alone had a ferocity and love for this story like no other they got this#film DONE and it has absolute beautiful moments in it balanced with unhinged chaos#never before have i gotten to say in the fact that some of the jokes feel#like they just strike funnier for trans audience and idk somethin abt that just feels so nice#please show this movie some love im genuine the fact that it exists is honestly terrifying those people fought for something they loved and#it showed
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#there's more for sure but these are what came to mind first#this show is always so good to me when i get to be there for someones first watch through#cause during a lot of the “funny” scenes im very In My Feelings about Anthy getting to experience some level of joy#and during all the “serious” scenes im trying to be as unreactive as possible#so i dont either defend nanami before it makes sense to and dont give away that anthy is sus too soon#they be like “why tf is she getting slapped so much leave her ALONE” and im nodding along with maximum effort just so i dont go#WELL YOU SEE ISNT IT ODD THAT YOUR EXACT REACTION IS WHAT ANTHY KINDA IS LOOKING FOR IN THOSE MOMENTS HMM ISNT THAT VERY INTERESTING HMMMM#ahahahahahah#my post#revolutionary girl utena#rgu#shoujo kakumei utena#sku#poll#the meme bride
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Steve Rogers in Avengers: Endgame (2019)
#steve rogers#steverogersedit#evansedit#marveledit#marveldaily#marvelgifs#mcuedit#dailyteamcap#capedit#userelysia#this scene still makes me feel so many things 4 years later#to me he's as brave as they get but it's not because he really has no fears at all#it's because he just does it scared#one of the reasons i am so happy chris evans played steve rogers is because i feel like he really understands him and respects him#he said in his actors on actors interview that he understands what it's like to have a fictional character who's your whole world#and means a lot to you and really inspires you#and that's steve rogers for so many people 🥺#i give the russos sooo much shit (AS I VERY WELL SHOULD) for not understanding steve's character but they ate this one little thing#when they had him grit his teeth and get back up and tighten the strap on his shield and face off an entire alien army alone#the moment he picks up mjolnir is an absolute fan favourite but i think it has some competition for the best steve scene in endgame#this is a crowning moment#*
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[ cw: violence mention / death mention / ]
Will never stop thinking about how Leo, all alone in an endless void and being beaten again and again and again by the only other living thing around, still finds comfort in that space. The situation he was in was completely hopeless, and in any other circumstances he would not have escaped, at least not fast enough to save him from permanent (or even fatal) damage, be it physical or mental.
And yet, despite the bleakness of his situation, despite the agony and helplessness, all he needs is one glance at a crumbled photograph, one glance to remember his family, and that’s enough of a reason for him to smile.
Maybe that’s why his powers center around manipulating space - because no matter how much space is between them, no matter how dire his own situation may be, just the thought of his family, alive and okay, is enough to give Leo hope.
#rottmnt#rise of the teenage mutant ninja turtles#rottmnt leo#rise leo#the prison dimension is horrifying on its own#add in a monstrous being that towers over you and has vowed to ensure your suffering?#god I can’t imagine how scary that is#Mikey opening the portal was a miracle because if he hadn’t managed it there#it’s really up in the air what could have become of Leo#personally I subscribe by the theory that you straight up can’t die in the prison dimension#so it’s a prison in all ways#but the thought of a Leo who manages anyway who adapts and continues to have hope despite it all…#Leo saying he’s nothing without his family is a double edged sword really#because the thought of his family alone is all he needs to live. to hope.#to smile#nothing without them…but they’re EVERYTHING to him#and maybe he doesn’t realize it but…the feeling is mutual#one thing too is that hope that comforts Leo so much is not just that#should he think his family needs help - that hope can turn into determination#I’m unwell about this family#actually on my point of their powers - I truly do think the abilities tie in not only to their personalities#but to their relationship to family and love in general#kinda like love languages in a way#Mikey with his chains and time abilities values being around his family the most - he wants them to experience living in the moment togethe#Donnie is someone who is 100% a gift giver to show his love - his constructs are exactly that aren’t they? gifts of his mind#Raph is someone who willingly bears the weight of the shield - he protects his family like the best big brother possible#and Leo - he goes off on his own a lot but his mind is constantly on his family anyway#like a sailor at sea no matter how far he travels the compass always point in one direction - and for him that compass points home#even if he can’t make it back - it’s still there#and that’s enough
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obi-wan should’ve been at the club!!!!!
#thinking about obi-wan only really ever being alone after the fall of the republic#from padawan to master overnight. someone was responsible for you and now they’re gone and you’re responsible for a whole person. good luck#been chewing on this a lot lately#if you have very young parents then you understand#obi-wan was so young and he spent all of his best years living for someone else#and as complicated as the feelings might have been he loved it and wouldn’t have traded it for anything#who he is as a person is inextricable from his responsibility to anakin#he was a master first and obi-wan second in the same way#that you become [x]’s mom/dad first and yourself second the moment you have a kid#these thoughts aren’t going anywhere i just need to get this out of my system lol#obi wan kenobi#anakin skywalker#star wars#scout.txt
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telling myself to continue on like normal and write like normal but how am i supposed to do that when i know my world is ending in 24 hours?
tw for tags: i accidentally rambled on and aired out all my grief for my dog
#ive known since the moment we got the cancer diagnosis id be losing him#it doesnt make it easier#tw pet loss#ive experienced a dog dying unexpectedly and now a planned death#i have decided there is no death thats easy. you'll always wish it went the other way.#in 24 hours ill be loading him into my car one last time#ill be joking about how heavy he is as i lift my 'heavy baby' into the backseat#i'll be babytalking him the entire drive and nearly dislocating my arm just to pet him at the red lights for the last time#i bought him reese's peanut butter cups. because he loves peanut butter and deserves to taste chocolate before he goes#i got him all his favorite treats. been feeding him all the meals he'd beg for that id say 'dogs cant have'#i just. this is hard. im losing my baby. my best friend.#the 'aggressive' boy no one wanted for 2 years until i came upon him and said 'hes coming home with me'#people keep telling me i dont have to be in the room when it happens but how could i do that?#how could i leave him alone this last time (arguably the most important time) when the day i brought him home#i made the promise that he'd never be alone again?#how could i do that when every time hes sick he wants me near him? puts his head in my lap?#how could i when during my roughest times he protected me so fiercely?#the only time he's been anything but a gentle giant has always been when he protects me#how could i not protect HIM one last time?#im sorry. im in my feels. this fucking sucks.
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toriel... what are your toriel takes today
i have a headcanon that toriel has a hand-washing compulsion where she does it wayy more thoroughly than needed, instinctively trying to scrub under her claws even when they're perfectly clean because she can still feel the phantom of dirt under them from the time she dug chara's grave.
#one. two. three. four hundred years. it doesn't matter when you buried your child alone#i think she was your obvious standard ''my son just died'' distraught at first just out of shock. but from the moment asgore declared war?#she swallowed her grief and acted as cold and rationally as she could. organizing her leave. taking the body without being noticed.#finding the ruins. sealing them. and yes burying the body. i think she held it together perfectly during that sequence of events#but when she went to wash her hands after it was done and she couldn't get the dirt out. and she could FEEL it digging into her fingertips#but unable to get the sensation out no matter how furiously she scrubbed & dug under them THAT'S when she truly lost it for the first time#and had a full on mental breakdown over everything that happened in so little time#and that experience kinda sealed itself in her brain. both mentally and sensorially. ergo: compulsion#this goat is so fucking traumatized#answered asks#undertale#toriel
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one of the things that fascinate me about thawne: yes, he CAN be normal with kids! surprisingly normal!
((not at all times, though. his mental illness still spills through and as usual he, in trying to manipulate or hurt others, spits out at them the exact stuff that would hurt him (or have in his childhood/barry's rejection interpretation) the most in the first place lmao))
but at the same time. his like second instinct when doing his bullshit is FUCK THEM (as) KIDS
(and, well. whatever this classifies as)
#whats wrong with him. seriously. he loves picking fights with literal children So Much#AND NONE OF THEM WITH WALLY ON THE MATTER OF BEING THE BIGGEST FLASH FAN. HOW DID THAT NEVER HAPPEN#about the middle page. honestly i DIDNT remember he is a Jerk in that way too until i checked his interactions with bart for this post#this man officially should not be allowed near children as a mentor.#just straight up drops ALL his insecurities on a poor kid in trying to make him feel ashamed. NO breaking the abuse cycle for this bad boy#the only thing he doesnt say is the direct 'you are a disappointment' altho the message is still the same 💀💀💀💀💀💀#AND I BET HES HELLA PROUD OF THAT. I MEAN CONSIDERING THIS FACT IG HE DOES TRY TO BE BETTER THAN HIS PARENTS. SOMEWHAT.#and omg he formulates his point like in problem based learning (leading the child to making the correct conclusion themselves)#im dying. professor to the fucking core.#and the way he feels the need to bring up flash facts in his appeal?? EO YOURE SO HOPELESS. THIS IS 100% HOW BART SAW HIM THROUGH#and god knows what he told thad promising to get him out of the speed force if he fought barry there and whether he was going to fulfill it#and do you even IMAGINE how FUCKED barry's mental condition would be growing up if thawne fulfilled his button threat#and i really REALLY wonder about the tornado twins and their relationship with 'uncle eobard' but that will be a separate post#he doesnt know any other way tho. and he might be actually mad at bart for not supporting his every action as The Flash#like. he tries to play family but the second they question he just goes WHATEVER. I DONT NEED IT. FLASH OF MY VISION RUNS ALONE#his problem is that he just wants attention. he doesnt see family/heroing for what 'its really about' or downsides that may come with them#everything is so idealized in his head. and the moment he faces reality with its complications the concept immediately gets antagonized.#and then he reconsiders and changes the conditions but fails each time never realizing the problem is his mindset and not everything else#black white at its finest yall#and man. RELATABLE.#also WHY is he standing LIKE A STATUE when appearing in front of bart????😭😭😭😭#poor museum rat has no idea what heroes in real life stand like#eobard thawne#professor zoom#reverse flash#the reverse flash#bart allen#the flash#dc
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The cape wrapping was too much for me I have to leave
#silver sending stones#cr spoilers#cr 3 e 108#orym of the air ashari#dorian storm#he probably watched the loom and was like “this is what i signed up for. forever.”#dorym#i do not know how to feel#because this came at the end of such a harsh moment from orym?#he killed fearnes dad which will eat him alive for the rest of his life#he just yelled at everyone because theyre still not understanding that the gods leaving is not going to leave exandria as it was.#he is literally so spent.#hes so tired#and so guilty#(oh i have to update my list of things orym blames hinself for)#and as hes yelling. as hes pleading with his friends to see the calamity that will happen if the gods are gone.#he floats over to dorian.#arguably his biggest opposition#and when hes done. when hes tired himself out. he leans on dorian.#he leans on dorian probably with no expectations of reciprocation. he just. needs dorian in that moment.#and dorian. who has been fighting to get rid of the gods since they took opal and killed hia brother. who wants them gone more than anything#wraps orym in his cloak. a protective wing around him. a warm. same place for him to lean. to rest. even running his hands through his hair.#they have been fighting since dorian came back. theyve been on the opposite sides of each discussion. each argument. and yet#orym still finds comfort in dorian. and dorians still affectionate towards orym.#id like to believe they slept in the same bed that night. after weeks of... finding reasons not to.#theyre clean and newly dry and slightly cold and maybe Orym finds a bed and curls up alone because fearne isnt there. but she hasnt been#for a while. and he doesnt take up the whole bed. he cant. but he doesnt expect someone to join him.#and then when the lights are off and the crickets are chirping and the faint screaming of a new bush to lull him to sleep. his door opens.#he doesnt get up because he knows hes safe in the manor. despite how scary it is. hes fearnes friend and has a deal with nana.#so he doesnt move. he feels cool. soft skin on his back and arms wrapping around him. to protect him. to comfort him
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love thinking kipperlilly spends her afterlife looking for lucy in a familiar forest
#not art#fhjy#fhjy spoilers#like. does she have a mean of knowing lucy and yolanda got sent to cassandra's domain to hang out for a bit#kipperlilly's isolation means so much to me. she is punished for everything she's done she just doesn't pick up on it#until the moment she dies! one more funky thing that mirrors riz in which he's actively tried to cultivate a community and denied it#until the bad kids. while kipperlilly does not want or care about a community she just wants someone who validates her#but she does Need a community so she latches onto the person she lets closer to her to fulfill her emotional needs#she took the ritual willingly so this might genuinely be her first death. probably terrifying#probably not even enough bandwidth to feel mortified. maybe immediately seeking something comforting out of instinct alone#lmao honestly thinking too much abt fantasy high afterlifes gives me a headache And a visceral fear#Im not religious but I grew up in a culture with a dominantly buddhist/taoist cosmology its Scary that u just go to A Place after u die!!#and then ur still urself!!! thats scary to me what do u mean u stay like that forever. thats fucked#but yeah I think this influences how I see kipperlilly turn out a little bit. in a sense I think of her as being a ghost now#yknow. trying to solve something from life so she can move on and. stop living this life etc#man the reveal that lucy took being killed pretty seriously and is like yeah the others are decent and even sweet#and probably was just trying to hold her party together and do what she thinks is moral by hearing kipperlilly out#lol lmao etc. gods I gotta wonder how kipperlilly's mindset handled jawbones' help#it really is damn tragic tho. I stand by what I said folks like this will complain and be nasty to be around#but they dont have enough desire to inconvenience themselves to off the bat do something abt what they find unfair or whatever#its when theyre handed the seemingly very easy means to be right that they'll start being dangerous#its horribly tragic that the supposed metaplayer and the self-perceived mastermind turned out to ultimately be just an useful idiot#yknow what. I think personally in my heart kipperlilly moves on from her afterlife the moment she says sorry#doesnt even have to be to lucy but that's probably gonna be who received it#ah.... teenage rebellion. teenage gamejacking
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